Both can be antecedents to meltdowns, along with sensory overload, social confusion, emotional overwhelm, etc. Hearing the word “no” is often very aversive to a child with autism, and many also struggle with pathological demand avoidance. Moms of autistic children struggle with feelings of powerlessness as they come to realize that the neurodiverse child is uniquely single-minded when distraught. The longevity of ASD meltdowns often cannot be rivaled, whether in children or adults. How does an autistic individual learn that meltdowns are a means in which to meet their needs or preferences? (Neither fact lessens the impact nor damage of using maladaptive behaviors to gain control of results.) Generally speaking, manipulative meltdowns (and shutdowns) are borne out of desperation for the ASD partner to gain what they desire, or to act out against what they perceive as a wrongdoing ‘against’ them. While perhaps the majority of autistic meltdowns are sincerely the result of sensory and social-emotional overwhelm, it’s an unfortunate reality that sometimes ASD individuals use their frequent emotional dysregulation as a smokescreen in which to control or manipulate those around them. Over the course of life, some ASD individuals might come to realize that emotional dysregulation can be used as a means in which to manipulate a desired outcome.
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